Wrapping up november.

I finally spilled it.

Hopefully no one else will find out the mess I’ve made myself.

Because it is not, and it will never be.

But… even if it is, which sane person would want to continue feeling this retarded feeling?

Anyway, I’m not emo. I’m just reflecting on something. Screw it! argh!

****

But don’t get me wrong!

I’m not sad. Because this month has just been awesome for me.

Sound of Music. XES. Group 4 Project. French Idol. IB assessments. Awarding. And everything else. There was so much to sacrifice on my part, but in return, God has returned all the blood and sweat with countless blessings.

There’s too many people to thank, that I couldn’t mention anyone because I am afraid of leaving out people. So I’m not going to mention any person!!! OK!!! HAHA

Unfortunately, I am too lazy to reflect on the things that happened this month. But no one should complain because anyone who knows that I exist in school should know that I have been totally drained out from all the activities which I never foresaw clashing together all in the same week. Haha ok that sounded really mean. But they’re all in my head. Memories that will linger for many many years, unnecessary to be written down in words because at the first place, words themselves are unable to express the profound sense of gratitude welling up deep inside me. To all the compliments and commendations I’ve received, I really cherish every single one of them. Thank you, thank you, thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

To my friends, you have been really awesome. You have always made my day. You invisibly pull the ends of my mouth and make me smile. In the classrooms, in the corridors, in the clean toilets, dirty toilets, in the  microscopic canteen, up the slope, down the slope, in the grade 11-12 centre which we are going to miss forever. Your jovial disposition makes me spastic. Your words of encouragement are like energy boosters. Your words of advice should be published as books and sold to problematic people like me, because I think they’re way better than those self-help books you normally find in boring bookshops. Your jokes tickle my every nerve in my body. Your camwhorings are addictive. Your tears are like daggers that pierce through my heart. Your friendship warms the soul. I love every single moment with you guys. And yeah, the holidays are here. It’s been a year, and that painfully reminds us that we have only a year left together. It’s dumbfounding to know how fast the earth revolves around the sun when you’re with the awesomest people in the world. I wish time was slower. We could all migrate to Pluto and spice up that  uninhabitable, cold, barren pebble in outer space. I’m going to miss you all for one month.

And to my friends and family in the Philippines, I’m coming home. And I can’t wait to see you again.

Stole some photos on facebook… et voila.

Grade 11 Camp.

Camps like the one I had this weekend are usually very physically demanding. Even though the grade 11s mainly spent most of their lives inside a fully-airconditioned glass hall, the physical demand to stay awake and conscious – to fight the very delicious thing we call sleep – is tantamount to the physical exigencies of a whole-day kayaking around Pulau Ubin. At the end of every day, slaved muscles crave for rest, disintegrating eyes cry out for sleep, and lethargic bones fancy gentle dislocations, those certain sorts of pulling and twisting and snapping and hinging which produce musical crunches to the ears.

And camps like this are always fun, no matter how tiring they are.

UMBRELLA.

basically, the rihanna concert was the best thing ever. EVER. EVERRRRRRR.. i rarely say this, but yeah. it was fucking amazing.

All my friends.

I don’t know.

There was something about that instant when I looked into your eyes.

It was something that I have never felt before or maybe something that I have realized only at that moment in time. I know there are so many things that I have to figure out, because I have never really thought about befriending you at the first place. You exude this aura that makes me feel so comfortable with the world around me. You may not know this, but I really want to be very good friends with you.

***

Despite the fact that I am already reaching the peak of my physical maturity, I can still vividly remember the friendships that I have made, lost, and repaired for the past eighteen years. It may be difficult for you to believe me, but I actually have fragments of memories deeply engraved in my mind of my first ‘yaya’ when I was still around one or two or three years old. I would consider her as my first ever friend. She would drown me in powder and cologne and tour me outside the house, and I would always be the nicest-smelling baby throughout the whole stretch of the neighbourhood. When she decided to get married, she decided to leave us to settle with her husband and start her own family. I was still so young then, so the feeling of sadness felt by my dad and mum was something that never reverberated within me for the next sixteen years. Earlier this year, I met her again when I came back to the Philippines for my holidays. She looked so much older than what I expected her to be. She cried upon the sight of my face. She walked towards me, but in a slightly different fashion, somewhat limping – only to find out that she has been suffering from a foot disease that she acquired a few years after getting married. I cried my tears inside.

I learned the value of friendship way back when I was in kindergarten. I have found very loyal friends that helped me throughout my first ever year in school. I had three best friends. One was a kid, whose name I have forgotten. His parents were separated. I don’t know if they still are. The other two were twins by the name of Harold and Harvey. They were really good old pals, but when my family had to move to another city, I never got the chance to meet them again.

With the help of the internet, I have still managed to keep in touch my old elementary and high school friends. Some friendships have remained strong; others have faded away, while others are still waiting to be rekindled.

In my new school, I have met a whole bunch of new people. For me, everyone in my batch is my friend, but no matter how much I would like to try to deny, it is an indubitable fact that I value some of my friends more than others. It’s more difficult to weigh people in terms of importance rather than body mass, that I am aware of. It’s painful to classify who’s who in my life and who’s not. But that’s the painful reality of life. We tend to be selective of anything, everything – religion, political ideologies, choice of music, food, friends. It has been an uphill task to immerse myself with everyone, because it’s just not simple to do so. Everyone knows this. And everyone should understand why cliques exist. even in the smallest groups of people. Well, in the study of Mathematics, we try to expand and modify our axioms so as to accommodate a wider scope of mathematical knowledge, which enables us to be at our closest distance from absolute truth. If friendships were as easy to modify as maths, then our new Obamamaniac world would be a way way way better place to live. But sadly, it isn’t.

Well, life’s vicissitudes are difficult to overcome. Inevitably, each one of us has to leave and venture on our own different paths. Some of us might totally forget about a friend or a two, and that is normal, for each passing day our memories and senses are washed away with the sands of time. We might not exactly remember all the good times that we used to cherish in our day-to-day lives. Our current best friends might eventually turn out to be our enemies. Or it might be the other way around. Our paths might intertwine once more. Or even more than ‘once more’. Like a rare comet, we might only see each other once in our human lifetime. Like words overleaf in a yellowing book, we might be placed opposite each other but never realize the other person’s existence. Some of us might get to know each other today, and be satiated with the fact that one knows the other, but tomorrow may immediately mark the end of that short-lived acquaintance. While some of us – most of the time with the person that we never expect – might hold on to each other’s company till the last breath.

Nevertheless, for me, I am still here, alive and kicking and even blogging amidst the unrelenting storms in this oceanic life of mine because I have friends, regardless of those who have been always there in times when I need them most, or those who have come and gone like the wind coming from the air-conditioner that has just passed  my temples while I am typing this. I’ve been cruising through life, unfazed of  the possibility of capsizing, because even if do capsize, I know that there is always someone out there to lend a helping hand. And in turn, when someone’s drowning in that barren ocean out there, I’m ready to offer my salbabida and my ship. Like what they say, there are big ships and small ships, but the best ship of all is friendship.

***

And I remember.

You were there, and you were everything I have never seen before.

And I long to be your companion, your comrade, your friend.

I am a human being.

AND A STUPID PIECE OF SHIT WHO CAN’T HOLD BACK HIMSELF.

obaaaaaaaaaaaaaaammmmaaaaaaaaa!!! (:

Maybe they have already known each other a long, long time ago.

I saw this photo somewhere, and the first ever thing that came to my mind was:

From right: Niko, Celine, Eskor, Nalaka, Padia, and Suraj, ten years ago.

Damn. Ok I know Celine’s a girl but she’s the only one in school with that hair colour.

*****

I wonder what they will look like ten years from now. It’ll be really interesting to find out.

Good night everyone.