Raisins.

Planted by the hands of the farmer,

Ripened by the warm ray of sunshine.

Succulent grapes exude their wonder,

All ready to be changed into wine.

But, sun-dried, all the grape pulps wither -

Remnants of the their tasteful past, defined;

Raisins they are, they taste no better

Than champagne aged in modest time.

Masticated, they seem to never

Explode with a sweetened juice divine -

Hard and dry like topsoil in summer;

Frigid from tasting the drought benign.

~Written for my creative writing class

TGIF.

You are required to answer ALL the following questions.

Level 1
( ) Smoked A Cigarette
( ) Smoked A Cigar
(X) Kissed A Member Of The Same Sex (cheek)
(X) Drank Alcohol

Level 2
(X) Are / Been In Love
( ) Been Dumped
(X) Shoplifted
( ) Been Fired
(X) Been In A Fist Fight

Level 4
(X) Had A Crush On An Older Person
(X) Skipped School
(X) Slept With A Co-worker
(X) Seen Someone / Something Die

Level 5
(X) Had / Have A Crush On One Of Your Facebook Friends
( ) Been To Paris
( ) Been To Spain
(X) Been On A Plane
( ) Thrown Up From Drinking

Level 6
(X) Eaten Sushi
( ) Been Snowboarding
(X) Met Someone BECAUSE Of Facebook
( ) Been in a Mosh Pit

Level 7
( ) Been In An Abusive Relationship
( ) Taken Pain Killers
(X) Love/loved Someone Who You Cant Have
(X) Laid On Your Back And Watched Cloud Shapes Go By
( ) Made A Snow Angel

Level 8
( ) Had A Tea Party
(X) Flown A Kite
(X) Built A Sand Castle
(X) Gone mudding
(X) Played Dress Up

Level 9
(X) Jumped Into A Pile Of Leaves
( ) Gone Sledging
(X) Cheated While Playing A Game
(X) Been Lonely
(X) Fallen Asleep At Work / School

Level 10
(X) Watched The Sun Set
(X) Felt An Earthquake
(X) Killed A Snake

Level 11
(X) Been Tickled
(X) Been Robbed / Vandalized
(X) Been Cheated
(X) Been Misunderstood

Level 12
(X) Won A Contest
( ) Been Suspended From School
( ) Had Detention
(X) Been In A Car / Motorcycle Accident

Level 13
( ) Had / Have Braces
(X) Eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
(X) Danced in the moonlight (in my own crazy manner:D)

Level 14
(X) Hated The Way You Look
(X) Witnessed A Crime
(X) Pole Danced (not professionally!)
(X) Questioned Your Heart
(X) Been obsessed with post-it-notes

Level 15
(X) Squished Barefoot Through The Mud
(X) Been Lost
( ) Been To The Opposite Side Of The World
(X) Swam In The Ocean
(X) Felt Like You Were Dying

Level 16
(X) Cried Yourself To Sleep
( ) Played Cops And Robbers
(X) Recently Colored With Crayons / Colored Pencils / Markers
(X) Sang Karaoke
(X) Paid For A Meal With Only Coins

Level 17
(X) Done Something You Told Yourself You Wouldn’t
(X) Made a Prank Phone Call
(X) Laughed Until Some Kind Of Beverage Came Out Of Your Nose
(X) Kissed In The Rain

Level 18
(X) Written A Letter To Santa Claus
(X) Watched The Sun Set/ sun rise With Someone You Care/Cared About
(X) Blown Bubbles
(X) Made A Bonfire On The Beach or anywhere

Level 19
(X) Crashed A Party
( ) Have Traveled More Than 5 Days With A Car Full Of People
(X) Gone Rollerskating / Blading
(X) Had A Wish Come True
( ) Been Humped By A Monkey

Level 20
( ) Worn Pearls
( ) Jumped Off A Bridge
( ) Swore at the teacher, in front of them
( ) Swam With Dolphins

Level 22
(X) Got Your Tongue Stuck To A Pole/Freezer/ice Cube
( ) Kissed A Fish
(X) Worn The Opposite Sex’s Clothes
(X) Sat On A Roof Top

Level 23
(X) Screamed At The Top Of Your Lungs
(X) Done / Attempted A One-Handed Cartwheel
( ) Talked On The Phone For More Than 6 Hours
(X) Recently stayed Up for a while talking to someone you care about

Level 24
( ) Picked And Ate An Apple Right Off The Tree
(X) Climbed A Tree
(X) Had/Been In A Tree House.
(X) Been scared To Watch Scary Movies Alone

Level 25
(X) Believed In Ghosts
(X) Have had More Then 30 Pairs Of Shoes
( ) Gone Streaking
(X) Visited Jail

Level 26
( ) Played Chicken
(X) Been Pushed into a pool with all your clothes on
(X) Been Told You’re Hot By A Complete Stranger
( ) Broken A Bone
(X) Been Easily Amused

Level 27
(X) Caught A Fish Then Ate It Later
(X) Made A Porn Video/got asked to make one
(X) Caught A Butterfly
(X) Laughed So Hard You Cried
(X) Cried So Hard You Laughed

Level 28
(X) Mooned/Flashed Someone
(X) Had Someone Moon/Flash You
(X) Cheated On A Test
(X) Forgotten Someone’s Name
(X) French Braided Someones Hair
( ) Gone Skinny Dipping
( ) Been Kicked Out Of Your House
(X)Tried to hurt yourself

Level 29
(X) Rode A Roller Coaster
( ) Went Scuba-Diving/Snorkeling
(X) Had A Cavity
(X) Black-Mailed Someone
(X) Been Black Mailed

Level 31
(X) Been Used
(X) Fell Going Up The Stairs
( ) Licked A Cat
(X) Bitten Someone
(X) Licked Someone

Level 32
( ) Been shot at/or at gunpoint
( ) Had sex in the rain
(X) Flattened someones tires
(X) Rode your car/truck until the gas light came on
(X) Got five dollars or less worth of gas

It’s not an SLR, it’s a freaking dilapidated 2-mp phone, but it makes pretty good memories.

Amanda’s pancakes. Seemingly disgusting on the outside, but delicious inside. (:

<3 danusha.

Made in Malaysia.

Made in Indonesia.

Guess who!!

Basket boobies.

Basket ninja/geisha. LOL! Depends on your perception. hahaha

Ultramegasuperultimate basket eyes.

Basket gas mask. XD

Baby basket helmet. nyahahahahaha

Love this shot. <3

I don’t even think he knows that I took this shot. mwahahahahahahaha

Lord Jesus, I pray that my girlfriend calls me now.

What is my name? What.

What? o.O

CJC: Carl’s Jr. College.

ACJC: Another Carl’s Jr. College.

SJII: Sexy Jr. Institution International.

She’s going to kill me for putting this up. XD

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooohhhh!!!

Haha he has no idea I took this photo. XD

Rising and shining at Ian’s room. lol

The ghost that sits beside me every English lesson.

Those netball girls leave their stuff anywhere.

first floor lockers. I need to change my locker asap ‘coz the school’s making a gargantuan fuss about ‘big’ lockers. WTH?

After a rainy day. (:

ME.

This is where I always go whenever I feel that the whole world’s just crashing down on me.

I once cried here.

My sexiest chemistry experiment to date.

I’ve realized that I only have a few more months with this retarded bunch of people.

Waiting for the morning carriage. Oh man. I wish this would never end.

**

It’s more than just oblivesence. It’s indifference.

I know what’s going on.

I’m not blind not to notice. But you see, I’ve already turned into a robot.

So,

I don’t care what they think, I don’t care what they say, I don’t give a damn.

I don’t give a shit about what they think. After all, thinking is free of charge.

And after all, I don’t have to please everybody.

I don’t really have to be 100% nice and friendly and warm all the time.

Rowland, you don’t need them.

Wound.

Today, I injured myself.

Fell down the slope going down to the basement parking area. My acrobatic stunt gave me a pretty scarlet wound near my right elbow. Fate finally decided to get me a fresh wound after more than two years of careful living. Well, sometimes, you just have to have  it once in a while to see if you can still feel any physical pain. For my case, it turns out that I’m already too cool for it.

Metaphors, my life, and other literary devices.

I couldn’t find the damn key to open the lock. I searched for it everywhere within the claustrophobic confines of the room, only to my realization that it did not help at all, for there was nothing inside it except for my shadow and I. There was a wide open window that painted a moving picture of acrobatic birds that incessantly swam in the endless sea of white clouds and blue skies. It was so wide open, it tempted me so badly to jump off to the sea below, but I did not do so, for some unexplainable reason. When nighttime came, my shadow disappeared and blended along with the dark, and so I found myself completely alone. The moon illuminated the sky, the stars constellated themselves, and the birds sang their lullabies. And I sat on the frozen floor, wondering what the hell was going on.

The next day, a goldfish came flying from the sea below towards the window and entered the room. The goldfish stayed with me for as long as I could remember, and together we would watch the quiet sea from afar turn angry every time it approached the foot of the cliff. We would both wonder why the quiet sea could actually turn out so angry. We would also watch the flying birds and wonder why the goldfish was a goldfish and could never become a bird, despite the fact that it could actually fly just like them. At the back of my mind, I wondered why it was with me at the first place when there is so much more out there in the world for the goldfish to enjoy and explore.

Nights passed by and the goldfish would always sit beside me, talking about things I found really enjoyable, about how deep the sea below was, and how high the clouds extended up to the sky. I always thought that the sky was endless, but the fish told me that it wasn’t. There was one time when I thought the the goldfish was simply joking, but I had a dream: I was sailing up the sky on a huge banana leaf, and when I reached the top, I found myself scared. I was floating like a speck of dust on the air, weightless, unheld. I felt that nothing was holding me back; it was the first time I felt something like that. And so I believed that the sky ended there, for it felt really detached from the rest of the world that I have always known. I told the goldfish my dream, and it believed me, but did not know if that was the truth. I liked the goldfish because it always stood by me and kept my days occupied with a multitude of interesting things.

One day the goldfish left without me knowing, and for a month I went back to my usual routine alone. Every night I wondered why the goldfish suddenly disappeared, and I would increasingly feel a sense of emptiness inside me. In a way, I was stuck inside this locked empty room with a window wide enough for me to escape, and my heart was also stuck in this empty physical being opening himself up for some strange happiness to return once more. I felt weird, I felt bad, I felt angry, frustrated, incomplete. And then I realized that I have been missing the goldfish so much.

The goldfish returned one day, but only remained for a while. It returned only because it felt that there was something I was supposed to tell something. I told the goldfish how much I missed the days spent together wondering about things in life, and that how much I would love for it to stay beside me for a longer time. But it said that what I felt was not what the same feeling it felt, that it was simply there with me because it just so happened that it was there, and there was nothing special about that encounter.  It was just a coincidence, and to think of it as something serendipitous was something it assumed as a  seed of thought  that randomly sprouted on a desert soil. So the goldfish left me alone, but left me a key for me to open the locked door.

I wondered why the goldfish had the key, and wondered even more about why it gave me the key only just then. When I unlocked the door, I went out, and I saw it again, staring at me with a painted smile of innocence, as if it had never known me before.

I entered another room nearby.

Who?

I just realized that more things I say about myself to other people, the more I realize that I actually don’t know who I really am.

This is what happens when you live far away from the rest.

Friday night. I stayed back at school till 8:30 pm. Did a bit of my EE, although it was still the most unproductive night study I’ve ever had. But it was fun with Thiru, Joey, Chris and Savy. Went to Great World City, waited for Rheyza to finish her Fish and Co. shift, so yeah you could imagine how hungry I was while waiting for her. Went to Five Star  near Celine’s house to grab a late dinner, talked about stuff, lots of stuff, and went back home at around 12am.I was really glad to be able to catch up with her again after not seeing her for almost three months.

Saturday night. Went out with Danson, Zippy, Kenneth, Candice, Calvin, Janelle, and Abba. MRT ride for one hour from the East to the North. Grabbed a nice dinner at Yoshinoya and had a fun chat with them. Candice and Janelle went back to OH after that. Went to Parry Hall to drop Abba and Zippy. Dropped Kenneth at CJC Hostel. Met Eunice there and hugged her tight. Lol. Went to Bukit Timah with Danson. Met Ate Steph at the bus stop and talked about random stuff. Took bus 48. Ate Steph went back to OH, Danson accompanied her. I continued my journey and ended up in Marine Parade. Walked back home, reached home at 12:30am.

I hate long bus rides.

I miss the old days with them.

I miss chasing curfews.

Leaves.

Brown leaves piled up in a heap rustled as a gust of wind blew over them. One by one they followed the wind’s direction, like innocent ducklings marching behind their mother duck, moving with hardened feathers, forming loops, swimming sideways in the air. But that very gust of wind continued to blow farther away, leaving the leaves behind, and in no time they all fell back to the ground, scattered away, detached from each other.

My Sun.

Sun, shine.

Fill up the dark empty spaces in the sky,

Cast your warmth upon me,

Dry up my tears.

Let me bloom in the field,

Let me rise up from the ground.

Let my leaves outstretch,

Let my petals suffuse.

Let me grow.

Let my roots sink in deeper,

So I may never leave this moment behind.

Your rays, entangle them all over me

So that I may never falter again.

Though give no more than I need,

For the colors may fade,

And the leaves may yellow.

Shine not, and I will wane.

Shine too much, and I will wither.

But never leave the sky.

Shine like an undying lamp

Sun, shine,

forever.

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Not recommended.

Monday – Fitness and Running

Tuesday – Service

Wednesday – Creative Writing

Thursday – Volleyball

Friday – Choir

Monday to Sunday – IB

Nawawala sa daloy ng mundo.

Nagdadasal gabi-gabi. Suki ng kapilya sa umaga.Iginagalang ang patakarang magsimba linggu-linggo sa simbahan. May kopya ng Bibliya. Dahil sa katangahan, balak kumuha ng panibagong rosaryo. Sa kwarto, nakapaskil ang mga imahe ng Birherng Maria at ng Santo Papa sa ibabaw ng mesang ginagamit sa pag-aaral. Mayroon pa ngang isang boteng naglalaman ng Holy Water, kung tawagin sa wikang Ingles. Sa unang tingin, parang napakalapit niya sa Diyos. Animo’y napalakas ng pananampalataya, at kahit anumang hilingin mula sa Maykapal ay tiyak na mabibigyang katuparan.

Ilang buwan na rin ang nakalipas, at tila ba’y nawawalan na ako nang sapat na rason upang ibahagi ko ang parte ng aking oras at buhay sa kanya. Puro na lang aral, puro na lang laro, puro na lang kaibigan, puro na lang ako. Sa tuwing pinagmamasdan ko ang nakaraan mula sa aking pangakasalukuyang katayuan, pilit kong hinahanap ang mga dahilan kung bakit ako nagkakaganito. Ngunit hanggang ngayon, ay ‘di ko pa rin makita. Ni hindi ko alam kung saan pa ako maghahanap, kung ang buhay ko naman ang madalas sa paaralan, sa bahay, at sa mga kaibigan lamang umiikot.

Nagdadasal gabi-gabi. Ngunit sa bawa’t dasal ko, ay ‘di ko na nararamdaman ang lakas na nakukuha ko mula dito. Nagmimistulang kinakausap ko lamang ang sarili ko. Suki ng kapilya? Ng simbahan? Ika nga ng iba, Physically present, metally absent. Kahapo’y tinanong ako ng kaibigan ko, “Mukhang malalim ang iniisip mo ha.” Nagsitayuan na ang lahat sa loob ng simbahan upang umawit, at ako’y nagmistulang pilay na ‘di makatayo mula sa silya. Ilang linggo na rin ang nakalipas na ako’y nagkakaganito. Bibliya? Ni hindi ko nga makita ang nag-iisang kopya ko. Mga litrato? Parang  lumang resibo na lang na nakaratay sa ibabaw ng aking mesa.

Minsa’y dumaan sa aking isipan na ang aking pakikisalamuha sa mga kaibigang iba ang pananaw sa buhay, ang siyang pangunahing dahilan ng pagbagsak ng aking pananalig sa Diyos. Naisip kong napakakitid ko naman para sisihin sila. Pero, hindi ba’t iyon naman talaga ang nangyayari sa akin ngayon? Kumikitid ang utak.

Masaya ang buhay. Maraming mga biyayang natatanggap, mga kaibigang ‘di kailanma’y mapapalitan, mga pangayayaring ‘di malilimutan. Ngunit hindi ko nararamdaman ang dahilan at kabuluhan ng lahat ng  mga ito. Para bang walang direksyon ang buhay. Para akong isang lantang dahon, palutang-lutang sa ere, dala ng ihip ng hangin, sa isang paroroonang walang katiyakan.

IB vs WWII.

Freedom.

After reaching the unfathomable depths of the ocean, I have begun to realize that I have been staying there for too long. Now that my tank is running out air, I need to go back to the surface as soon as possible – where the sun is warm, the sea breeze cool, the air unlimited -

Before it’s too late.

A few more days. I’m on my way there.

Scrapbooks.

A poem made out of nowhere

Secrets I keep that can never be told,

Cards that speak with romantic tongues,

Roses I gave, now beige, brittle and old,

Always take out the breath from my lungs.

Page by page, they tell me  something,

Bits and pieces of my life, compiled.

Once they seemed to be simply nothing, but-

Over time I feel even more like a child;

Kissing memories like a little, precious toy,

Scrapbooks stained with droplets of joy.