Another Michael Bay movie.

I don’t know what to say.

After sitting in that cinema seat watching this blockbuster movie for 2.5 hours, I was left wondering to myself as to whether I enjoyed the movie or not.

The fanboy inside me was so thrilled for the whole 150 minutes of non-stop robotic warfare on land,  in a forest, on air, in Shanghai, in Paris, on a hot desert, on top of one of the Great Pyramids of Egypt, on the ocean floor, and on the sea. It was a dangerous adventure around the world with the Autobots and Decepticons as tour guides. Wonderful backdrops of Mother Nature’s creations and man-made construction marvels getting destroyed was the underlying ethical dilemma of this film as the avid moviegoer witnesses both robotic races trying to kill off each other on an alien planetary rock floating in space called Earth. But sad to say, like any other typical Blockbuster film usually released at this time of the year (with the notable exception of Nolan’s The Dark Knight last year), this movie was mindless, noisy, overwhelming, and of course, excruciatingly long. Wait. Batman was quite a drag too. But who cares it was a genius film.

There were too many loopholes in the film that I found myself  frequently tripping over them and knocking my head over the seat in front me, but the mindless script kinda balanced it out for me since it was not necessary for any movie fanatic to render 100% of his or her intelligence to fully understand what the hell was going on. The plot, although conveniently straightfoward, was as shallow as a kiddie pool, as empty as  my fridge at home, and as dry as the Sahara Desert. But of course the awesome firepower and action was the wonderful oasis where I took refuge from all Michael Bay’s nonsense.

Oh, and before I forget, there was a Megan Fox who made me realize that I really love women with pouty lips (Angelina Jolie and Eunchae of I’m Sorry, I Love You, anyone?), and who nearly made me jizz in my pants.  Don’t you just love the fact that Michael Bay’s cameras are always at the right angles whenever she’s running around scared or doing her motorbike design or just simply lying down with Sam Witwicky watching the Egyptian stars in the sky?

If I had a choice to choose to be any character in the movie, I would choose to be Mikaela Banes because I would get to run holding hands with hot Sam Witwicky around the world, fight the Decepticons alongside the Autobots and save the planet Earth from the brink of destruction – still jaw-droppingly beautiful with a little bit of dirt here and there, and without injuries. No fucking injuries people! Who wants to get the Sam Witwicky broken arm and those Sam Witwicky burns?!? Nobody.

(EDIT: Apparently I mistook his hand for his arm, I’m really sorry about that, I mean, who pays attention to a bandaged hand when Megan Fox is simultaneously running around while the film is rolling? And I read from an article that Shia suffered a helluva gazillion injuries while filming Fallen. Like seriously, jeez, all for the sake of an imaginary robotic warfare? And he got his hand injury from a car crash incident on some American road, so his “broken hand” had to be intoduced to Fallen’s script. Poor guy.)

Well I think Megan has yet to prove her versatility as an actress.  The world has already seen her as a perfect marketing strategy for selling a movie about alien robots, but we are still yet to see her act for real. Well, she  has a lot more room to grow. Go Megan! I’ll just be here waiting for your next big break

And poor Bumblebee’s got less character development in this film. In fact, all characters have been disappointingly shallower this time around. There is a lack of personal touch (party because there were more robots, machines and explosives than human beings) in this film, which made it feel somewhat detached from very emotional and psychological beings like me.

With countless rumours going around that this movie’s budget stretches at $300 million, I hope that Michael Bay’s Total Revenue will exceed his Total Cost. Well, it’s pretty certain that it will. Although the movie was exhausting from the beginning all the way to the credits, it is undeniably better than its predecessor.

I still don’t know what to say.