Four years (and) running.
20 October 2009
“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.”
At the very last minute before handing in my final draft, Father inserted this quote at the very beginning of my valedictory speech. It was a concoction of words, wound together by the invisible strings of childhood memories and experiences, all of which had to be carefully restructured by the cumbersome hands of my parents and teachers, alluding to the idea that perhaps I – even though I was the (allegedly) smartest kid in the cohort – was too young to understand what the hell Lao Tzu really meant. Well, I didn’t even know who the hell that guy was.
My childhood memories have slowly disintegrated away to the most unreachable corners of my mind, but somehow, I have managed to hold on to this particular fragment of the past, embedding it on my life like a hammered piece of nail on a white, empty wall of cement. The resulting crevasses, fissures on the wall, those little distortions circulating the nail, stagnant and permanent in the immaculate sea of white, hid beneath the overhanging framed picture of a twelve year-old boy with a sun-lit smile tightly sewn from ear to ear.
Four years have passed and I have already hung so many pictures on this wall. The collection has kept on growing and growing and growing. Whenever I felt that I had to keep a memory or two, I would take a nail and a piece of string and hang them, keeping them alive with the stillness and tangibleness of these photographs. Looking back at them once in a while, I can’t help but realize how much time has already gone by; how many things have changed; how much experience I’ve gained; how far I have journeyed on my own. I also can’t help but realize how much of my life has been kept beneath these photographs: the sadness, the sorrows, the pain, the secrets, the bad experiences of the past, all trapped within the crevasses of my existence, cunningly transcended by my extroverted attitude and almost unearthly happy disposition as flatly seen by a typical outsider.
Well, it’s overwhelming. It’s a continual bombardment of the past, the present, and the prospects of the near and distant futures. Leaving home at the age of fifteen, facing the trials and obstacles of the unforgiving world without the physical protection of the hands that I once deemed cumbersome, encountering the kinds of people that I’ve never imagined I would actually meet, opening my eyes to the reality that life is not as clear-cut as black and white, questioning the validity of truth and the meaning of physical and supernatural existence, having to shave every three or four days for a nice and clean face, I must say that I have already traveled a long, long, long way.
It doesn’t sound like I’m happy, but don’t get wrong. I am happy. I really am. Seriously, I’m not kidding. LOL. I’m extremely thankful for everything; for my family and friends; for the awesome education that I’ve received over the years; for that person that I was, that I’ve become, that I still am.
It’s already been four years running, and I am still having the time of my life.
The contract is going to end soon, but life doesn’t just end there. There’s still a lot more ahead. There’s still a lot more things to do. And there’s still a long, long, long way to go.
A journey of a thousand miles,
of a million kilometres,
of a billion light years,
of eternity,
begins with a single step
and a simple smile that says,
LG, life’s good. ;D
Happy 4th anniversary.
I <3 my bike.
SIX brave young men, SIX bicycles, SEVENTY-EIGHT THOUSAND AND SEVEN HUNDRED EIGHTY metres (78.78 kilometres), in EIGHT hours and FORTY-EIGHT minutes.
ONE minor injury, NO casualty, and NO damaged bikes
********
There is no good thing about me being the most indecisive human being that ever walked on Earth.
But the good thing is, whenever I submit myself to peer pressure, I always end up having a good time. HAHAHA
So! What happened was that Nalaka, Niko, Savy, Weijie, Yin To, and I went cycling around Singapore.
We just finished our mock exams last week and this week is a holiday so we decided to.. you know.. release all the stress we’ve accumulated over the two-week exam period.
We, like, literally, cycled around the whole island:
We started off at ECP. Rented six bikes for $12 for the whole, with no overnight charge! How cool is that?
Anyway, here’s a chronological order of our journey in the form of photographs:
Trust me, cycling for 78.78km in not-so-good bicycles with not-so-good bicycle seats is not a good idea if you’re not willing to bear the excruciating pain on your ass, balls (for guys), legs, knees, and back. And cycling using the the most difficult gear was a bit of an… unplanned and unwanted suicide attempt. Like teenage pregnancy. My leg muscles were crying with so much lactic acid, so much that I felt my leg muscles were being dissolved into fragments of organic molecules.
Jurong Point, gas stations, convenience stores, MRT Stations, and other sources of heavenly toilet urinals and refreshments were green-less oases erected across the unforgiving cemented desert. We had to stop here and there to take a leak or to refuel ourselves. Our frequent stopovers made me come into a realization that our bicycles were amazingly strong and sturdy and amazingly difficult to ride on (no pun intended).. and our bodies, although as agile as the wind, are as fragile as toilet paper.
It was also a good moment to explore Singapore. I mean, I’ve been around Singapore for the past four years, but I was always travelling behind the smudged windows of the bus or the MRT, sitting down on a more-or-less more comfortable seat, listening to my MP3 player. but this time it was different. No smudged windows; just my spectacles smudged by condensing water vapour. No aircon; just the cool breeze of wind coming from the miniature Singapore rainforests. No comfy seats; just that small piece of rubber seat squeezing my balls who are carrying the brunt of my weight. And no MP3 music; just the noise of people, cars, buses, trains, trucks, traffic signals, birds, dogs, rain, the sound dissipated by the breaks, the rustling of leaves, the splashing of water, the trickling of rain, the breaking of twigs lying on the ground, the heavy breathing, and many other random things.
There were exhilarating moments, such as the downhill slopes along Mandai Avenue. It was like an amazing roller coaster ride, the only difference being the leaves and twigs and soft tree branches hitting your face, splashing cool mountain (or hill) dew on my face as I passed by them, and since I was excruciatingly tired and exhausted and perspiring excessively – but still gasping for a little bit of cooling, hydrating water on my skin – the violent whips of green flora became so refreshing to the point that it felt orgasmic, giving me an unimaginable tingling sensation rushing throughout my whole body. There were also times where we felt like lying down in the middle of the road, where we felt like we died as we cycled against gravity (especially along Mandai Road), but we kept on cycling and cycling and cycling.. and well… guess what? we eventually spanned 78.78 kilometres of Singapore soil (mostly cement). Actually, it kinda reminded me of Forrest Gump!
“Run, Forrest, Run!!!”
This was like…
“Cycle, Rowland, Cycle!!!”
And trust me too, it was (AWESOME FUN)^infinity.
And a very important moral lesson: Do not wear boxers when cycling.
One degree of separation.
I have been contemplating on the idea of… accepting my close friend’s mum’s facebook invitation.
My initial reaction: o.O
Haha. She’s like a family friend, so yeah, I wouldn’t want her to be gossiping about my facebook activities to my parents.
Maybe I shouldn’t accept the invitation. I’ve already ignored hundreds of facebook invitations anyway. Yes, I’m EVIL.
****
Anyway, it’s funny how small the world is.
Today was the Assisi Hospice Charity Fun Day, and guess what. I just met a gazillion faces who all looked familiar in one way or another, like I’ve seen them before, I just couldn’t remember where or when or how or on what occasion – they all just looked so damn familiar.
And it’s funny how you can’t seem to find those people whom you know more than your chemistry textbook and those people whom you would want to know more about, since you find them more interesting than gossiping about students and writing ToK essays and doing Physics homework.
*******
Sometimes you do get the most unexpected and random questions at the most unusual times of the day.
Ricky asked me, “So where do you intend to go after this?”
“House?” I replied.
He was referring to my impending post-IB life.
I started blabbering about me not minding spending another 4-8 years in Singapore studying in a university… but not interested in settling down in this little island… talking about applying for a PR status (but of course I would never do so)… etc. etc.
But I still don’t know where I’m actually going.
Maybe I’ll end up studying in DLSU.
Who knows.
Or maybe I’ll end up staying here because of …
NEVER MIND (:
*******
Happy Labor Day.
Wednesday is Acer Crystal Eye Webcamwhoring day.
tutor group:
ASc is the best!!!
english standard level.
No photo. But Ernest was playing with his condom the whole time.
economics higher level.
No photo. Had a short test on BoP.
higher level chemistry:
We are free radicals. So free it makes us so radical.
french ab initio
You can consider this as a higher level subject too. In fact, it’s a [HIGHER]^2 subject.
How ironic that the background is all in spanish.
From me to you.
YES,
YOU SHOULD BE. YOU REALLY SHOULD BE.
Anyway, another topic.
I think I’ve already posted this in my old blog before, but I shall put it here once more, because I love this quote. haha
“That is why it is important to let certain things go. To release them. To cut loose. People need to understand that no one is playing with marked cards; sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Don’t expect to get anything back, don’t expect recognition for your efforts, don’t expect your genius to be discovered or your love to be understood. Complete the circle. Not out of pride, inability or ignorance, but simply because whatever it is no longer fits in your life. Close the door, get rid of the dust. Stop being who you were and become who you are.”
-from The Zahir, Paulo Coelho
Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.
Here’s how I spent my Good Friday:
8am – 4pm: SCHOOL – did my ToK Presentation. Wasted an hour at the bus stop opposite SJII with ernest and jing xi, waiting for the rain to stop after coming from Novena for lunch. DAMN! We could’ve taken a cab. ERNEST!!! >.<. lol, actually, if i didn’t buy that almond drink we wouldn’t have gotten caught in the rain. XD
**
4pm – 10:30pm: Met my host family, went to SICC Bukit
My host family is awesome awesome awesome! 
Met another family, they’re awesome too! And Denise from ACS Int’l, she’s very nice and friendly! Gonna get Macbeth notes from her soon, yay!
**
10:30pm – 12:30am – Clarke Quay with Amanda, Danusha, and Tanya. LOVELY CUBAN MUSIC, I TELL YOU. Oh, and that flaming alcoholic drink thingy, whatever you call it, it was quite nice. My plastic straw caught fire and melted though. So I kind of…. drank plastic as well? MWAHAHAHAHA. Tried my best to act as a chaperone but it seems that I failed. At least we all got back home safely. (:
***
Don’t tell my parents.
In solitude, where we are least alone.
~George Gordon, Lord Byron, Childe Harold’s Pilgrimage
***
I guess in today’s society solitariness and loneliness are used interchangeably, although I would strongly disprove that. But that’s not the point why I’m writing this.
I sometimes wonder why some people can’t stand being alone. To those people, most of them, when they see that someone is alone, he or she is emoing; or contemplating on which suicide method is the most gracious and dramatic and least painful; or is a loser because he or she has no friends, or worse, cliques in school. Oh well, whatever. Most of the time I’m surrounded by people because I’m spastic and noisy and flirtatious (according to some, but I wholly disagree), but yeah.
I guess some people are simply born with the need for a regular dose of a personal touch, for an occasional feel of a caring hand, for a warm embracing company to battle the cold sleepless nights, or for just another lively spirit to feed the hungry soul. True, some people cannot live without friends. To them, they are their world, their inspiration, their daily source of energy that they draw from to keep them alive and kicking at day, and their crazy source of imagination for their wildest, wackiest and most unrealistic and unimaginable dreams at night. Sometimes, friends may be the most influential people you know or will ever have known, taking control over your life. It is as if you are only a fragment of your own existence, a living body stripped of the capability to decide for yourself. And your friends, your friends, take over you and control you like a puppet, swaying you in the direction they wish you to go.
I sometimes ponder and wonder why I don’t feel that way. I don’t know, but I just can’t seem to be so closely attached to anyone that I would be ready to sacrifice, maybe not everything, but a lot of things for another person. I can’t imagine myself giving up my every other night to spend talking to another person about his or her problems over the phone; much worse, talking personally. Or even as simple as giving a nice decent birthday present. I can’t seem to be able to give such good advices to other people. I am the most unfit and unqualified person for the job of a counselor. I suck, I’m really bad at it. But don’t get me wrong. I value friendships, and I love my friends, but it just seems that the amount of love and dedication I give does not seem to match the amount other people give to me or to their other friends. Maybe it’s just the way I am. Maybe I’m just plain weird, and that’s all there is to it. Although I don’t know if this kind of life I’m living is perhaps encapsulated and motivated by ridiculous self-centeredness or sheer introversion. But to me, regardless of my aforementioned personal characteristics, life should never be mostly about the friends that revolve around you. Life should be mostly about you and your own self. Because in the end, whether you like it or not, reality bites; they will all leave you, you will all leave them, and the only one that will have remained with you is no one but yourself. At your very last breath, you will be holding on to no other life but your own.
However, for believers like me, God must be the centre of our lives. I know. It’s difficult to do. Difficult is actually an understatement. It’s almost impossible to do so. I’m having a hard time, really hard time. But I’m trying.
To the friends who really know me, thank you for understanding, that I can’t be your best friend forever (BFF), because I know I can’t, and I choose not to. I believe that we shouldn’t bring man-made hierarchies in friendships. There may be friends that I spend more time with, tell more things or share more experiences with, but that doesn’t mean that they are a notch or two above the rest of my friends.
***
Don’t let them drive you, nor you drive them into some place they shouldn’t be; be a guide to one another. Don’t take over each other’s lives. Because each of us exists as little separate chunks in this big sphere we call life. Firstly, your world should consist of YOU, followed by everything else.
Friends should not exist in you. They should exist for you, and you for them.
Value friendships. Value friends. But most importantly, value your own self.
So that in case they all leave you, you will still have yourself to turn to, and you won’t feel weak and vulnerable on your own.
Because in solitude, we are least alone.
**
Feel free to challenge my viewpoints. (:
For everything else, there’s mastercard.
Gawad Kalinga was AWESOME.
Oh did I write it with a full stop? Wait, that’s wrong.
Gawad Kalinga was AWESOME!!!
Alright!
If there is one prominent change that occurred during this 6-day trip, it would be reflected on my skin complexion. HAHAHAHAHAHA you might want to observe, as you skim through the photos, how my skin transformed from light brown, to golden brown, and finally to nalaka skin. Good thing it’s going back to normal now. XD
**
First day!
Arrival, Lunch at Chicken House, Negros Showroom, tour around Bacolod, met the awesome kids at GK ERH Village!
Second day!
First day of manual labour; made our own cement mixture, divided ourselves and plastered the hollow block walls with cement in two different houses. FUN!!
Third Day!
I guess we did a really horrible job at plastering the walls with cement, so they made us dig the ground and collect soil to level part of the land some 100 meters away. damn. Tiring, but AWESOME FUN! Plus, dinner at some awesome restaurant courtesy of Ricky’s relatives who came all the way from Iloilo. I LOVE FILIPINO FOOD.
Fourth Day!
More digging, and PAINTING! Painted two houses, one with blue, and the other one with yellow. More digging and carrying soil. haha. FUN!
Fifth Day!
Tour around Bacolod! Went to a farm, to an ancestral house that was transformed into a museum, etc etc. Singapore Night in the evening! BALUT EATING CHALLENGE!! MWAHAHAHAHA.. Jamming sessions till 3am in the morning! AMAAAAYYYZENG
Sixth Day!
BYE BYE BACOLOD, PHILIPPINES! ):
AWESOME EXPERIENCE MAN.
All of us really had an amazing time, and are looking forward to come back. To those who did not go for some reason, and are still interested, there’s always next year (:
Now I can say that
I am a GK Advocate!
I was supposed to post this last week, but OH WELL! Who cares?! :D
I stole hundreds of pacepook (as Joey calls it) photos from Gabriel and Jose.
MWAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
***
INCENDO TRAINING DAY @ Mr. Wong’s House
What did I do? Fun Fun Sexy Fun.
Meeting Training Barbecue Ice Cream Pizza Food Dance dance revolution Dishwashing Jokes Being spastic Camwhoring
INCENDO 2009
What did I do? I was a facil, and a part-time dancer. LOL
AWESOME week it was.
Jose’s CNY Party
What did I do? performed with XES, 75% attendance only. LOL
SJII CULTURAL CARNIVAL 2009
What did I do? I sang a Pinoy kundiman song.
Weijie played the guitar, Sandra pretended she was my girlfriend’s mum, and Sunshine pretended that she was my girlfriend, and took a shot at singing a pinoy song with me! Awesome right. Oh, guess what. I’m the only Pinoy among us. Haha
****
I actually uploaded so much more!
I feel like an accomplished thief. HAHA. If one can do this in an online game, I would’ve already leveled myself up a hundred times.
GAWAD KALINGA in a few hours!
In conclusion: even more photos when I get back!
Shall be away from here for a week.
See ya soon.
***************************************************************************************************
by the way, gawad kalinga was awesome.
Shall blog about it when all photos are uploaded.
***
As I was walking up the stair,
I met a man who wasn’t there.
He wasn’t there again today.
I wish, I wish he’d go away.
~Hugh Mearns
There’s only one point of intersection between two intersecting lines.
yeah, I won’t deny it.
It’s true.
Life always involves a trade-off.
You lose friends, and you gain some.
Although I haven’t tangibly lost you yet, it seems that you’re already somewhere, far away, in a place I can’t reach, and I can never be.
Or is it me who’s been drifting away from you?
***
We only meet once.
We may never meet again.
It’s not an SLR, it’s a freaking dilapidated 2-mp phone, but it makes pretty good memories.
Amanda’s pancakes. Seemingly disgusting on the outside, but delicious inside. (:
<3 danusha.
Made in Malaysia.
Made in Indonesia.
Guess who!!
Basket boobies.
Basket ninja/geisha. LOL! Depends on your perception. hahaha
Ultramegasuperultimate basket eyes.
Basket gas mask. XD
Baby basket helmet. nyahahahahaha 
Love this shot. <3
I don’t even think he knows that I took this shot. mwahahahahahahaha
Lord Jesus, I pray that my girlfriend calls me now.
What is my name? What.
What? o.O
CJC: Carl’s Jr. College.
ACJC: Another Carl’s Jr. College.
SJII: Sexy Jr. Institution International. 
She’s going to kill me for putting this up. XD
Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooohhhh!!!
Haha he has no idea I took this photo. XD
Rising and shining at Ian’s room. lol
The ghost that sits beside me every English lesson.
Those netball girls leave their stuff anywhere.
first floor lockers. I need to change my locker asap ‘coz the school’s making a gargantuan fuss about ‘big’ lockers. WTH?
After a rainy day. (:
ME.
This is where I always go whenever I feel that the whole world’s just crashing down on me.
I once cried here.
My sexiest chemistry experiment to date.
I’ve realized that I only have a few more months with this retarded bunch of people.
Waiting for the morning carriage. Oh man. I wish this would never end.
**
My last-night’s bomb diffusing specialists.
Nic
Danniiii
Sienny Poo
Nlk Bdhk Wrnkl
Savaaaaaaye
Mandy
Babaaaaaaye
Quangy
Roooooooooomie
Johnny
and
Mr Cuddles!
(amanda’s lovelaaaaye hamsty!)
******
Oh, NLK, SIENNY POO, SAVAAAYE, and I went to ECP last night! Ate at Carl’s Jr.! MWAHAHAHAHA! Laughed like mad people, as if the beef patties inside our burgers emitted laughing gas. LOL. Walked along ECP and talked about random stuff, mostly perverted, but who cares, it was fun. After eating CJ, I got myself the biggest tummy ever in the history of my entire life. I’m not going to get an upsized Coke again. I don’t think we can have more of these fun, slack times together, now that the IB is getting a lot more stressful, but yeah, it was fun with you guys. ROOMIE, you should have gone with us. XD
Went back home at 3:30am.
Slept.
Woke up just now.
And now, it’s time to get down to some serious IB work.
You are not alone.
Is it just me, or is it just the tendency of human beings to always look at the gloomy side of life?
As I see it, within the confines of our limited technology, in this era of humankind, we are unable to predict what lies ahead in the future. People are simply bound to the past and present events of life. No one has an ecape route to the future. No one can create a loophole in which we can determine our fate, our destiny, our tomorrow. There may be astrologers or fortune tellers or weather forecasters out there, but we all know they’re talking shit.
So why do we have to crucify ourselves with the mistakes of the past?
Why do we have to incarcerate ourselves inside bitter memories?
I know that there are certain things we can never let go, certain people we may never forget, but do you think that they would want to see us suffer? Wouldn’t they want us to continue our lives and live them to the full? If one is given the chance to meet them again, and know what they think and feel, wouldn’t they be telling any one to “go ahead”, “move on,” “be happy”, and “get a life,” because there’s so much more to life than pain and suffering?
So why do we have to hold on to the pain, when we have the choice to let go of it and be happy and contented with life?
Why do we have to frown when we can smile at the rising sun, which promises a new life, presents a new hope for a better Today than Yesterday? And if not, isn’t there another day to look forward to?
And why do we have to set our eyes, scrutinize and ingest the abhorrent view of the muddy ground, lifeless, unalluring, melancholic and dark, when we can always look up and gaze at the wonder of the bright constellations in the sky? The glow of the moonlight? Or feel the gentle cold breeze of the night? If clouds do pass by and hinder this majestic creation, then why can’t we look at the people around us, the people who care for us, regardless of magnitude, multitude and religious and cultural vicissitudes; the stars that offer us light and hope in our deepest darkest nights?
There are always people who care. We just need to look at them, look after them, look up to them, look into their hearts, and appreciate the wonderful friendship they have forged. They have always been there. People always tend to accumulate the pain inside, keep it to themselves as if anybody’s interested to steal them. No one wants to steal someone else’s pain; people who care about life try to throw them away and replace them with sugar, spice, and everything nice.
It’s so hard to be alone. It’s so hard to live without a joyful company. It’s so hard to survive the night without someone’s warm embrace. It’s painful to traverse through life without someone to offer you a helping hand. But you see, no one is alone. Someone is always there for you. For me. For everybody. They may not always be there for the person who needs it most, but the fact that they do care, no matter where they are, is enough to surmount the once deemed insurmountable conundrums in life.
It’s all about CHOICES. And it’s all about TIME. You see, we can never get things our way in a flick or a wand or in a single snap of the fingers. Life isn’t a magic show.
And time heals all wounds. It may not be today, or tomorrow, or the day after tomorrow, but sufferings always have their season-enders.
Life isn’t something you can purchase in a grocery store, or order online in Amazon. It’s not that easy to get. Yet it’s so easy to lose. It’s so fragile, so vulnerable, yet so many people take it for granted. Every life is replaceable, that’s why our species continues to thrive, but it can never be replaced by the exact same person that once made a mark in his or her life. So while you are living, give meaning to it, and if you do, create a meaning that will fulfill not only your life, but for others’ lives too. It’s a give and take relationship.
You see, there are certain diseases deemed incurable, and so doctors give patients fake pills to ill patients, in the hopes that they become cured by his or her own self-will and self-determination to survive. To them, life is so precious, and they would fight for it.
Well, that’s what I believe. I believe in optimism. I rely on hope. I trust in God.
Testing, testing my new internet connection.
Today is the perfect day to celebrate!
Number one, my internet connection is back! Now, I don’t need to go to my aunt’s house and be a leech and suck all the internet connection to myself.
Number two, I’m going to start on my holidays assignments soon! There’s nothing much more fun than doing school work during the holidays! Wow! Wow! Wow! OMG this is so fun! WOWOWOWOWOWOWOW!
Number three!
I get to thank my two sexy friends, Tsao Hui and Joey, for spending my last afternoon this year in Singapore watching Four Christmases, grabbing a lunch at Carl’s Jr., and spending some MOOOOOOments at Ben & Jerry’s! And of course, going with me to Holy Family Church even though the two of them aren’t sexy Catholics like me.
And of course! How can I forget!
SAVY, NALAKA, JOHN, QUANG, and JOEY again
for sending me off at the airport!
And to the people who endured my boringness over the phone… KENNETH, YZA, DANUSHA, WEIJIE, NICOLETTE, JOEY, QUANG, SAVY, ETC ETC! Thanks a million (:
Wrapping up november.
I finally spilled it.
Hopefully no one else will find out the mess I’ve made myself.
Because it is not, and it will never be.
But… even if it is, which sane person would want to continue feeling this retarded feeling?
Anyway, I’m not emo. I’m just reflecting on something. Screw it! argh!
****
But don’t get me wrong!
I’m not sad. Because this month has just been awesome for me.
Sound of Music. XES. Group 4 Project. French Idol. IB assessments. Awarding. And everything else. There was so much to sacrifice on my part, but in return, God has returned all the blood and sweat with countless blessings.
There’s too many people to thank, that I couldn’t mention anyone because I am afraid of leaving out people. So I’m not going to mention any person!!! OK!!! HAHA
Unfortunately, I am too lazy to reflect on the things that happened this month. But no one should complain because anyone who knows that I exist in school should know that I have been totally drained out from all the activities which I never foresaw clashing together all in the same week. Haha ok that sounded really mean. But they’re all in my head. 
Memories that will linger for many many years, unnecessary to be written down in words because at the first place, words themselves are unable to express the profound sense of gratitude welling up deep inside me. To all the compliments and commendations I’ve received, I really cherish every single one of them. Thank you, thank you, thank you, from the bottom of my heart.
To my friends, you have been really awesome. You have always made my day. You invisibly pull the ends of my mouth and make me smile. In the classrooms, in the corridors, in the clean toilets, dirty toilets, in the microscopic canteen, up the slope, down the slope, in the grade 11-12 centre which we are going to miss forever. Your jovial disposition makes me spastic. Your words of encouragement are like energy boosters. Your words of advice should be published as books and sold to problematic people like me, because I think they’re way better than those self-help books you normally find in boring bookshops. Your jokes tickle my every nerve in my body. Your camwhorings are addictive. Your tears are like daggers that pierce through my heart. Your friendship warms the soul. I love every single moment with you guys. And yeah, the holidays are here. It’s been a year, and that painfully reminds us that we have only a year left together. It’s dumbfounding to know how fast the earth revolves around the sun when you’re with the awesomest people in the world. I wish time was slower. We could all migrate to Pluto and spice up that uninhabitable, cold, barren pebble in outer space. I’m going to miss you all for one month.
And to my friends and family in the Philippines, I’m coming home. And I can’t wait to see you again.
Stole some photos on facebook… et voila.
All my friends.
I don’t know.
There was something about that instant when I looked into your eyes.
It was something that I have never felt before or maybe something that I have realized only at that moment in time. I know there are so many things that I have to figure out, because I have never really thought about befriending you at the first place. You exude this aura that makes me feel so comfortable with the world around me. You may not know this, but I really want to be very good friends with you.
***
Despite the fact that I am already reaching the peak of my physical maturity, I can still vividly remember the friendships that I have made, lost, and repaired for the past eighteen years. It may be difficult for you to believe me, but I actually have fragments of memories deeply engraved in my mind of my first ‘yaya’ when I was still around one or two or three years old. I would consider her as my first ever friend. She would drown me in powder and cologne and tour me outside the house, and I would always be the nicest-smelling baby throughout the whole stretch of the neighbourhood. When she decided to get married, she decided to leave us to settle with her husband and start her own family. I was still so young then, so the feeling of sadness felt by my dad and mum was something that never reverberated within me for the next sixteen years. Earlier this year, I met her again when I came back to the Philippines for my holidays. She looked so much older than what I expected her to be. She cried upon the sight of my face. She walked towards me, but in a slightly different fashion, somewhat limping – only to find out that she has been suffering from a foot disease that she acquired a few years after getting married. I cried my tears inside.
I learned the value of friendship way back when I was in kindergarten. I have found very loyal friends that helped me throughout my first ever year in school. I had three best friends. One was a kid, whose name I have forgotten. His parents were separated. I don’t know if they still are. The other two were twins by the name of Harold and Harvey. They were really good old pals, but when my family had to move to another city, I never got the chance to meet them again.
With the help of the internet, I have still managed to keep in touch my old elementary and high school friends. Some friendships have remained strong; others have faded away, while others are still waiting to be rekindled.
In my new school, I have met a whole bunch of new people. For me, everyone in my batch is my friend, but no matter how much I would like to try to deny, it is an indubitable fact that I value some of my friends more than others. It’s more difficult to weigh people in terms of importance rather than body mass, that I am aware of. It’s painful to classify who’s who in my life and who’s not. But that’s the painful reality of life. We tend to be selective of anything, everything – religion, political ideologies, choice of music, food, friends. It has been an uphill task to immerse myself with everyone, because it’s just not simple to do so. Everyone knows this. And everyone should understand why cliques exist. even in the smallest groups of people. Well, in the study of Mathematics, we try to expand and modify our axioms so as to accommodate a wider scope of mathematical knowledge, which enables us to be at our closest distance from absolute truth. If friendships were as easy to modify as maths, then our new Obamamaniac world would be a way way way better place to live. But sadly, it isn’t.
Well, life’s vicissitudes are difficult to overcome. Inevitably, each one of us has to leave and venture on our own different paths. Some of us might totally forget about a friend or a two, and that is normal, for each passing day our memories and senses are washed away with the sands of time. We might not exactly remember all the good times that we used to cherish in our day-to-day lives. Our current best friends might eventually turn out to be our enemies. Or it might be the other way around. Our paths might intertwine once more. Or even more than ‘once more’. Like a rare comet, we might only see each other once in our human lifetime. Like words overleaf in a yellowing book, we might be placed opposite each other but never realize the other person’s existence. Some of us might get to know each other today, and be satiated with the fact that one knows the other, but tomorrow may immediately mark the end of that short-lived acquaintance. While some of us – most of the time with the person that we never expect – might hold on to each other’s company till the last breath.
Nevertheless, for me, I am still here, alive and kicking and even blogging amidst the unrelenting storms in this oceanic life of mine because I have friends, regardless of those who have been always there in times when I need them most, or those who have come and gone like the wind coming from the air-conditioner that has just passed my temples while I am typing this. I’ve been cruising through life, unfazed of the possibility of capsizing, because even if do capsize, I know that there is always someone out there to lend a helping hand. And in turn, when someone’s drowning in that barren ocean out there, I’m ready to offer my salbabida and my ship. Like what they say, there are big ships and small ships, but the best ship of all is friendship.
***
And I remember.
You were there, and you were everything I have never seen before.
And I long to be your companion, your comrade, your friend.
Maybe they have already known each other a long, long time ago.
I saw this photo somewhere, and the first ever thing that came to my mind was:
From right: Niko, Celine, Eskor, Nalaka, Padia, and Suraj, ten years ago.
Damn. Ok I know Celine’s a girl but she’s the only one in school with that hair colour.
*****
I wonder what they will look like ten years from now. It’ll be really interesting to find out.
Good night everyone.
School bags.
I miss De Casalle and SJI International, and my Singaporean and non-Singaporean friends, although it has only been less than a week.
Nevertheless, it’s so good to be back home, so good to be able to be with my family and my Filipino friends. (:
rowlandanthony
4 comments