Like a flightless leaf.
The sun is shining.
Bright, sunny, radiant.
The roots are sheltered,
the trunk unabated,
the branches secured,
the tree standing strong.
This colony seems unfluctuating.
But I seem to be undulating.
So I hold on, and I keep holding on.
But eventually this junction will break
with the culmination of time.
And the crazy wind will carry me through a sea of air,
soberly spinning away,
falling,
falling,
falling,
falling,
Feeling like a flightless leaf,
falling down into the floor.
Unnoticeably,
the green will turn into yellow,
the yellow into brown,
and the day into night.
And I will feel the sands of time rising above me.
And everything else will stay the same.
You are not alone.
Is it just me, or is it just the tendency of human beings to always look at the gloomy side of life?
As I see it, within the confines of our limited technology, in this era of humankind, we are unable to predict what lies ahead in the future. People are simply bound to the past and present events of life. No one has an ecape route to the future. No one can create a loophole in which we can determine our fate, our destiny, our tomorrow. There may be astrologers or fortune tellers or weather forecasters out there, but we all know they’re talking shit.
So why do we have to crucify ourselves with the mistakes of the past?
Why do we have to incarcerate ourselves inside bitter memories?
I know that there are certain things we can never let go, certain people we may never forget, but do you think that they would want to see us suffer? Wouldn’t they want us to continue our lives and live them to the full? If one is given the chance to meet them again, and know what they think and feel, wouldn’t they be telling any one to “go ahead”, “move on,” “be happy”, and “get a life,” because there’s so much more to life than pain and suffering?
So why do we have to hold on to the pain, when we have the choice to let go of it and be happy and contented with life?
Why do we have to frown when we can smile at the rising sun, which promises a new life, presents a new hope for a better Today than Yesterday? And if not, isn’t there another day to look forward to?
And why do we have to set our eyes, scrutinize and ingest the abhorrent view of the muddy ground, lifeless, unalluring, melancholic and dark, when we can always look up and gaze at the wonder of the bright constellations in the sky? The glow of the moonlight? Or feel the gentle cold breeze of the night? If clouds do pass by and hinder this majestic creation, then why can’t we look at the people around us, the people who care for us, regardless of magnitude, multitude and religious and cultural vicissitudes; the stars that offer us light and hope in our deepest darkest nights?
There are always people who care. We just need to look at them, look after them, look up to them, look into their hearts, and appreciate the wonderful friendship they have forged. They have always been there. People always tend to accumulate the pain inside, keep it to themselves as if anybody’s interested to steal them. No one wants to steal someone else’s pain; people who care about life try to throw them away and replace them with sugar, spice, and everything nice.
It’s so hard to be alone. It’s so hard to live without a joyful company. It’s so hard to survive the night without someone’s warm embrace. It’s painful to traverse through life without someone to offer you a helping hand. But you see, no one is alone. Someone is always there for you. For me. For everybody. They may not always be there for the person who needs it most, but the fact that they do care, no matter where they are, is enough to surmount the once deemed insurmountable conundrums in life.
It’s all about CHOICES. And it’s all about TIME. You see, we can never get things our way in a flick or a wand or in a single snap of the fingers. Life isn’t a magic show.
And time heals all wounds. It may not be today, or tomorrow, or the day after tomorrow, but sufferings always have their season-enders.
Life isn’t something you can purchase in a grocery store, or order online in Amazon. It’s not that easy to get. Yet it’s so easy to lose. It’s so fragile, so vulnerable, yet so many people take it for granted. Every life is replaceable, that’s why our species continues to thrive, but it can never be replaced by the exact same person that once made a mark in his or her life. So while you are living, give meaning to it, and if you do, create a meaning that will fulfill not only your life, but for others’ lives too. It’s a give and take relationship.
You see, there are certain diseases deemed incurable, and so doctors give patients fake pills to ill patients, in the hopes that they become cured by his or her own self-will and self-determination to survive. To them, life is so precious, and they would fight for it.
Well, that’s what I believe. I believe in optimism. I rely on hope. I trust in God.
My Version of Enlightenment.
Hello.
Update, update. TGIF.
It is said that how long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you’re on.
True, true. Very true. Everyday, I wake up at six in the morning with the eagerness of removing the morning stars on my eyes, with the eagerness of filling my empty stomach, and with the anticipation of an empty, available shower room which I share with Niko, John, Bradian, and Christopher. No, it’s not what you think of. We don’t bathe together. Okay maybe you didn’t think of it. Now you are.
Never mind.
It is almost impossible for me to get ahead of the toilet since Bradian wakes up unbelievably early in the wee hours of morning, when the security guards are sleeping in the middle of their night duties, the poor nurses tending to dextrosed patients, the prostitutes covered under the littlest amount of clothing possible, on the loose in the streets of Geylang and somewhere else who knows where. Waiting for someone to get out of the toilet somehow makes you feel that he’s taking too long and you’re running out of time. It also makes you feel like you’re going to shit on your pants before you even reach the depository. Okay, that was gross.
************************
photos taken during our thursday run 
************************
Anyway, that’s not really the main idea. I was just wondering how time has been so slow this week, how it has made my June holidays feel like a second instead of a lifetime; how it has made me tired and yet happy at the same time, that upon the gradual slowing of time, I have begun to realise that to live in haste is not a requirement to live a life. I have noticed that for the past few months I’ve been stressing myself to do this and do that, finish up work and stuff asap, as if they are a bunch of popcorn that you must consume immediately, or the crunchiness will fade away along with the sweetness and the warmness when it was still served fresh. But, no, I think I have learnt something new. I think I have learnt to slow myself down, to take time to reflect and think, to wait, to lengthen the ephemeral days through slow breathing paces and unhurried strolls along the sidewalk, contemplating about life, the future that lies ahead, people, love, peace, war, even thoughts unconscionable and short of moral scruples, to immerse myself in the chlorinated blue of the swimming pool when I feel stressed, to play my favourite songs over and over to give myself a sense of consistency in life.
Life has been simple this week, amidst the complexity of life itself.
I’ve learnt it from the woods. From the quiet, unhurried life of the trees and the rocks and the soil and the fallen leaves on the ground.
This sounds like Siddhartha.
I have been gradually realising that there is no need to rush to the shower every morning. Time is not selfish; it’s not it’s fault that it can neither reverse nor stop itself.
Pagbubunyi.
I kept looking around the concrete walls, the glass windows and the ubiquitous Ora et Labora logo, but I only saw Irrelevance. I did not notice if I grew any taller than the rest. Neither did I notice if anyone went missing and was nowhere to be found, nor if there were new youthful acquaintances in school who needed a warm welcoming smile, a hi, a how are you, a hope you enjoy here, a sweaty palm handshake and a pat at the back, because at the back of my mind, I still believed that I was not where I was. School. The brain was intact but the mind was nonexistent, as if it temporarily wafted into a different dimension unknown to man (and woman). I thought that Today didn’t seem to be ready to welcome me, nor was Yesterday a day ago, nor will Tomorrow on the next day. Me, the same skeletal entity, the same four-eyed stress-driven workaholic organism whose seventeen year-old Catholic membership card has almost met its unprecedented expiry date. Me was lost today. Me was lost yesterday. In fact, Me have been lost for quite a long time now.
I am the laziest of all bums lah, but God just wouldn’t let me to anyhow leave my membership card un-renewed.
You’re just a search engine.
Before i proceed to my main post:
*Danusha~is feelin inspired~* says:
17:29:27*Danusha~is feelin inspired~* says:
… i see your will power is back
17:29:33*Danusha~is feelin inspired~* says:17:29:37*Danusha~is feelin inspired~* says:
17:29:37*Danusha~is feelin inspired~* says:17:29:38*Danusha~is feelin inspired~* says:17:29:48I say:17:29:54I say:17:30:07I say:17:30:24*Danusha~is feelin inspired~* says:17:30:40*Danusha~is feelin inspired~* says:17:30:45I say:17:31:02I say:17:31:08*Danusha~is feelin inspired~* says:17:31:25*Danusha~is feelin inspired~* says:
OK!
WordPress is so cool.
Okay let me be more specific. Blog Stats is so cool.
I just had the ultimate eye-popping, heart-pounding and gut-wrenching feeling this morning when I happened to drop by on the Blog stats on my dashboard. There’s this something called Search Engine Terms, which shows you the terms people use to find a blog containing relevant information about those certain terms that they have gooooooooooooooooooooogled online.
My initial reaction was “Ok,” yuki no hana, nice song indeed, Mika Nakashima’s cool”
and then “Ooh, my school, someone’s interested”
and then O.o – “%$&*@#! inside school ?!?!”
Those links on the screenshot have nothing to do with the search engine. haha. WordPress classifies them under “Clicks”.
Anyway, I was dumbfounded and flabbergasted, and almost instantaneously I prompted my brain to remember if I posted any pornographic material on my blog. Well, of course I knew I never did such a thing (I never had such materials in the first place), but I wanted to make sure there were no existing hyperlinks in my entries which have expired and mutated into something else. That happened to my old old blog before and people came hovering over MSN telling me “Hey your blog’s got porn in it! ha ha ha!”. So I browsed through hundreds of my old posts, and to my relief, there wasn’t any. After giving it much thought, i finally figured it out: I posted a blog entry a few days ago with a slightly vulgar title and most probably, due to Google’s inhuman essentiality and incapacitated nature to discern between what’s porn and what’s not porn, those search engines have been deluded to include my web link to that unfathomable pool of indiscreet materials.
After a while, I found myself laughing. He/she must be really bored in school.
School shooter? I’m too fucking busy to be a school shooter!
Ok I’m not vulgar by nature. I promise. Hahaha. The title is actually Quote #515 from this website!
Gaaaahhh. IB is eating my year 2008 really really fast. IB’s like this discombobulating Pac-Man dude in this time labyrinth of mine, voraciously eating up all the seconds, minutes, days, weeks and months. And I’m really getting nervous. My heart palpitates everytime I remember my unfinished English essay which has been collecting dust under my study table. My brain freezes everytime I see a French word in the internet. There have been occasions where I suddenly hear a stream of undecipherable French words inside my head, as if someone is talking to me in French. Creepy. And I haven’t revised my French yet. It seems that I have forgotten almost all the French stuff I’ve learnt for the past five months. And I can’t decide on what proposal to submit to Monsieur Heusdens in order to improve our French lessons every Mondays and Tuesdays. Maybe he has realised that the lessons have stagnated and have become quite boring at times. I even caught myself on the verge of drooling over my foolscap paper at one time. Yuck!! Good thing Amanda is such a busybody.
And the title of this blog entry does not really fit into my current life; I have been incessantly stoning inside the house; in fact, I have been sleeping 12-13 hours a day. You can actually imagine that if I counted the number of days that I have been here in the Philippines, I have spent half of that duration sleeping, let alone those moments when the sun is up and shining brightly, and there I am sitting by the window daydreaming about weird stuff. Talk about being a lazy bum in the house.
Not like the other schoolmates of mine who have been lavishly spending their holidays in faraway places around the world, like the USA, Japan, Spain, Iceland, Mongolia, Hong Kong, Malaysia (well HK and M’sia are not really considered far away). Argh, I really wish I could have a holiday getaway to some ulu place!! Me and me alone.
I’ve been wanting – dying – to visit some places in the world, places that people usually hardly know or, in case they know a lot, hardly give a shit about it. There’s one place which calls itself Ushuaia. Sounds pretty gay, actually, *Ushuaia* but I actually discovered this name when I was watching Discovery Channel a few years back. It was a given title of a show, if I’m not mistaken, and I never knew that it’s also a name of a town smacked right the tip of South America, until I have learnt how to search stuff in the Internet in Primary six.
Ushuaia is actually the sothernmost town in the world, the capital of Tierra del Fuego Province in Argentina. If you ask me, I think it would really be interesting to find out how it feels to live in the “southernmost town”. Singapore actually brags one of its microscopic Sentosa islands as the southernmost point in continental Asia, when in fact, it’s merely connected to mainland Sentosa by a little bridge; Sentosa to mainland Singapore by that Sentosa bridge (you can count the cable car and the monorail as well); mainland Singapore to mainland Asia by the Causeway. Hmph. So if I connect a bridge from that little island in Sentosa to Batam, then Batam would be the southernmost point in continental Asia. -.-
You must be kidding me.
There’s another interesting place in the world which sometimes appears in my dreams. Mongolia.
I don’t know. After watching some documentaries about this country, I just felt that this should be worth visiting. With a landlocked area of about 1.6 million sq. km., there’s plenty of land to explore. With a population density of two people per sq. km, there’s a lot of room for yourself to do some tomfoolery around. Imagine, if the Mongolian population would actually be evenly distributed, a family of six would occupy three square kilometers of Mongolia and they can have it all to themselves. Cool. And I want to experience how it feels to be a nomad in the rural areas of Mongolia. I think it’s a wonderful diversion from the stagnant and busy urban life in the Philippines and in Singapore.
Of course, if you ask the nationalistic fragment of my existence, I would want to go in an all-out expedition in Palawan, Philippines.
Regraded by renowned underwater explorer Jacques Cousteau as the most beautiful place he had ever explored. Oooh.. It think it’s actually true! Although I haven’t been there yet. It is home to one of the world’s most diverse flora and fauna, breathtaking mountains and rain forests, the world’s longest subterranean river, and some of the best beaches in the world, scattered in this vast expanse of 1768 islands that comprise the entire province.
Okay, this would be the last one, since I believe this entry’s going really boring.
I want to go to Spain.
I want to see how much this country has progressed after it has left this impoverished country of mine with a SPAIN without the S.
Hahaha this entry seemed like a travel blog.
rowlandanthony
leave a comment